It's a long long time since I've written here. Things got a bit better for a while, then when they got worse again I didn't want to talk.

But I'm suicidal again. I came very close to killing myself on Saturday because the pain was unbearable. And now I want to again m, because I'm supposed to be going on a trip in a couple of months and I don't see how I can. I'm utterly terrified and I just want to die. Irish I wasn't such a coward, I wish I could just do it.

How much more am I meant to take?

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