Up and Down

Pleased that managed to ease screwdriver-in-the-eye headache today with meditation rather than meds, but still pissed off that haven't been able to swim for a week because pain so bad.

Meditation homework for the week is to practice recognising which 'mind' I'm operating in, and switch over if it's not the best one for the situation. Feeling a lot like Worzel Cummidge...

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Came perilously close to taking a fistful of pills yesterday. Not to try and do myself in (risk of that accidentally happening was actually what stopped me) but just to get a break from the pain and the hideous side effects from the pill I'd already had to take.

Today's not looking any better either.

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Please make it stop

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Unexpected discovery

Had a huge pain flare up at work today (sitting in a meeting, unable to speak and couldn't move for an hour after everyone else left!). Ended up having to take two morphine pills and wait an hour and a half just to get out to the car.

The interesting thing, though, was that as soon as it started, I could tell it was going to be a huge kick off; there was none of the usual uncertainty, wondering if it will flare up then drop off - I absolutely knew it was going to be massive. That meant I was able to take the first pill really early on - despite how bad it was, things would've been a whole lot worse if I'd waited.

This has to be a consequence of the meditation - developing a greater awareness of your body and your pain means you can better interpret what's happening and act accordingly.

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Feeling like shit today - shoulder's killing me, lot back pain that's probably from swimming yesterday, and very depressed.

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In the still of the night

It's 2.50am and I've been lying here for four hours, trying to sleep, watching the world go round from the morphine pill I had to take because the pain was keeping me awake and the meditation just couldn't touch it.

The upside is that as I've been lying here, I've worked out a new work schedule to build in the meditation and swimming, and realised that the lump developing where I split my lip is probably an abcess.

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Victory!

I am delighted to announce that I've just been to the pool, and it all went swimmingly (pun very much intended).

Felt a right tit cos had to use a float cos of pain, but I swam and I feel great for it!

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So, this was my Sunday

Didn't do the mindful movement exercises yesterday, and very stiff and lot pain today. Don't know if there's a connection or if it's a coincidence.

Managed to stay awake throughout meditation this evening - first time in a week. Feel totally knackered now though - lot more than before I started.

Attempted to go to the cinema this afternoon - it's been over a year since last time. Was all going fine till discovered website was wrong & movie not on. Suppose at least I can put the failure down to their ineptitude, rather than my pain.

Hmm what rhymes with 'Vue' and suggests that something is crap...

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Update

So far, it's looking like:
*meditation in the morning, tho will require getting up earlier :-(
*mindful movement in the afternoon - dislocating is esp bad after driving, so arriving home from work is probably a good time.

Interestingly, am now finding breathing is better during meditation than at any other time - ironic, given that breathing issues was why never tried meditation before!

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Ohhmmm

Taking some time off work to concentrate on how to get max benefit out of this meditation stuff.

It's going well, but anyone who thinks navel-gazing is easy, isn't doing it right...

Incense, tinkly bells and humming to follow.