The therapist said that the pain won't go down until I don't need it any more. Until the conflict and trauma that sparked it has been resolved, it will carry on.

Well it's been such an utterly shit Christmas and New Year, that as I was driving home from my friend's today - after another night of no sleep and too much pain - I suddenly realised that I would genuinely rather be abandoned by my mum than live this miserable existence dominated by pain and pills.

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