So when the neck pressure is down, the pain is unbearable, and when the pain drops, I'm still fucked by the neck pressure.
Someone give me a reason to bother.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Thursday, 2 June 2011
The morphine isn't holding back the pain today. I've taken it on the same schedule as yesterday, but whereas then it muted the pain (though I was still debilitated, by neck pressure), today it's barely touching the pain.
So when the neck pressure is down, the pain is unbearable, and when the pain drops, I'm still fucked by the neck pressure.
Someone give me a reason to bother.
So when the neck pressure is down, the pain is unbearable, and when the pain drops, I'm still fucked by the neck pressure.
Someone give me a reason to bother.
I think it's a good job I'm on medicine that makes me want to throw up unless I take it at the right interval after eating.
Because without that, I think I just wouldn't bother eating. I've got no appetite and no incentive to keep going.
I'm eating only because I don't want to feel constantly sick.
Because without that, I think I just wouldn't bother eating. I've got no appetite and no incentive to keep going.
I'm eating only because I don't want to feel constantly sick.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Well, I lay awake for over two hours, but eventually I fell asleep, and I slept well through till 7am.
To my mind, that's still not good enough. During those two hours the pain got sufficiently worse that I had to take an extra morphine pill.
I still feel really really tired though
To my mind, that's still not good enough. During those two hours the pain got sufficiently worse that I had to take an extra morphine pill.
I still feel really really tired though
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Wednesday, 1 June 2011
Try again
I talked to the doc today, because I had such an awful day yesterday and because I got no sleep last night despite taking two sleeping pills.
He agreed it shouldn't be happening but told me to try for another couple of nights. He did say though that getting the evening morphine levels right is crucial.
Tonight, I'm going to take the sleeping pull absolutely last-thing - ie at lights out, instead of when I go to bed and start reading. Maybe that will make the difference. I've got the morphine right, so we'll see, but I really hope it works, because i'm sure exhaustion is partly why I've felt so shit this afternoon.
He agreed it shouldn't be happening but told me to try for another couple of nights. He did say though that getting the evening morphine levels right is crucial.
Tonight, I'm going to take the sleeping pull absolutely last-thing - ie at lights out, instead of when I go to bed and start reading. Maybe that will make the difference. I've got the morphine right, so we'll see, but I really hope it works, because i'm sure exhaustion is partly why I've felt so shit this afternoon.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
I wish I could go back in time. I'd go back to when I started my University course.
I gave up a well-paid job, company car and all the trappings, to move to a pokey little flat up north, and live off a tiny student loan and part-time waitressing.
It was really hard work and I loved every minute of it. Of all the times in my life, that's the one I'd go back to. I loved the freedom to learn, the endless books and the enormous challenges.
I was fit and healthy then. I used to lug half the library round in my backpack, run for buses and charge round the restaurant. I juggled plates and drinks, essays and exams and I've never been happier.
I'd give anything to go back to then, to not be living this hollowed out existence of pain and pills. At least then I had a future. At least then it was worth the effort. At least then there was a point to being alive.
I gave up a well-paid job, company car and all the trappings, to move to a pokey little flat up north, and live off a tiny student loan and part-time waitressing.
It was really hard work and I loved every minute of it. Of all the times in my life, that's the one I'd go back to. I loved the freedom to learn, the endless books and the enormous challenges.
I was fit and healthy then. I used to lug half the library round in my backpack, run for buses and charge round the restaurant. I juggled plates and drinks, essays and exams and I've never been happier.
I'd give anything to go back to then, to not be living this hollowed out existence of pain and pills. At least then I had a future. At least then it was worth the effort. At least then there was a point to being alive.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Two and a half hours since taking two two sleeping pills and nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Except a revolting taste in my mind.
That first day was clearly some kind of wierd coincidence, and the reality is they're going to do fuck all. And now the pain meds are wearing off too. Terriffic.
That first day was clearly some kind of wierd coincidence, and the reality is they're going to do fuck all. And now the pain meds are wearing off too. Terriffic.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
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