Taking the Stairs

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Catch 22

Meditation, exercises and swimming all help to losen my shoulder and deal with the pain. But I haven't been able to do any of them for weeks - because the pain is too bad. It's a catch 22.

I'm trying to restart the meditation and the exercises. I really want to get back in the pool, but everyone's saying I should wait till the meditation is back on track.

This morning, in desperation, I tried the exercises during the 'electric shock' pains that keep exploding all the time. It's counter intuitive, but everything about this situation is backwards.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

Spent over an hour lying on the floor of my office at work today, when the pain went postal. Delightful.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Extract from job ad...

Member of the board of the NHS Primary Care Trust.

You will never have suffered from a serious or long term illness or disability; all decisions on the availability of medications must be made on a purely arbitrary basis, with no consideration for the patient's suffering or quality of life. If you have had a Common Sense Removal Procedure, so much the better.
.......…...................,

At least, that must be the kind of ads they place, how else do you explain people bring denied vital medication by idiots who have no idea what they're going through...?

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

I wish I was a dog. Or a cat. Or a squirrel. Anything but human.

Only a human would be left in this kind of pain.

Worst night ever

Had the worst night ever last night - electric-shock pains through shoulder all night and still going on. Morphine not touching it.

God I feel like shiit.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Get worse before better?

OK, so, an update.

The meditation is still going well, and I'm still feeling more generally positive and able to do things then before (though I have had several hideous nights and have been giving serious thought to taking a LOT of pills).

The mindful movement exercises are definitely having an effect, in the sense that the range of movement has increased. The downside seems to be that the surrounding musculature is obviously really weak, and so I'm actually getting more pain and am having to take more morphine than before. I just have to hope that if I keep going, the muscles etc will strengthen and the pain will reduce a bit.

The dislocating also seems better since the exercises. Now, rather than dislocating and then locking solid, it's cracking but keeping going.

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Up and Down

Pleased that managed to ease screwdriver-in-the-eye headache today with meditation rather than meds, but still pissed off that haven't been able to swim for a week because pain so bad.

Meditation homework for the week is to practice recognising which 'mind' I'm operating in, and switch over if it's not the best one for the situation. Feeling a lot like Worzel Cummidge...