The pain's been OK so far today- no top-ups yet - but I still feel like shit, from last night and from this past week.

I feel miserable and alone. I don't know what to say or do. I can't even cry.

I can't even enjoy a good day anymore, because I know it means nothing - things will be shit again tomorrow.

I hate the inbetweenness of my condition. It's not 'serious' as in life threatening, but it ruins life nontheless. It's not fair.

I feel like all this is somehow all my fault. Because I didn't try hard enough at the beginning or something. Because the pain in some way filled some previously unrecognized psychological need. So I didn't fight it as hard as I should have. And it just got worse and worse, compounded and compounded until there's just no coming back.

I never wanted any of this, I swear. Please take it back. Please.

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