I don't know why I'm stressing so much about getting a job, trying to find all sorts of ways to make money, trying to sort my phd. I already know how it's going to end. I've always known. The money will run out, I'll have nowhere to live and rather than live on the streets, in pain, without medication, I'll kill myself. I told the doctor today that I can think of little else. Since its going to happen anyway, I might just as well stop worrying. Live as long as the money lasts and at least be stress-free. Then die.

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