Tuesday, 31 May 2011

You know, it's a scary state of affairs when you have so much first hand experience of medication, that you can sit watching a medical drama and point out the factual errors.

Like them saying 'Give him Gabapentin' as then-and-there pain relief, when we all know it's a long-term treatment - it has no immediate effect on pain.

Careless, schoolboy error, people.

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Well, things didn't get any better today.

I've spent the whole day in bed, unable even to raise the strength to sit up. I've felt tearful and hopeless and in pain. The one good thing today was a surprise visit from a friend, who kept me company, ran some errands for me and even made me something to eat. It was a good job she was there - I wouldn't've been able to make more than a sandwich on my own.

I still feel pretty crap. I've got the pills right this time - ie I've taken everything - and I'm going to take two sleeping pills so I can try and get some rest.

I really hope it works, I feel absolutely shattered and I can't bear another day like today.

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I feel exhausted and tearful today, and I'm in a lot of pain.

Despite a sleeping pill last night, I still woke up at 4am. It was actually the pain from the trapped nerve down my leg that woke me. I dozed from then, but it wasn't proper sleep.

I'd already got the pain pills wrong that evening, in that I thought I only needed one Oxynorm at 7, not two. So then even though I took two Oxycontin at 10, I was already 'behind' in terms of pain control.

I'm going back to bed now because otherwise I'm just going to sit and cry.

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Monday, 30 May 2011

Fear not, balance is restored.

I feel as shit as ever.

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Sunday, 29 May 2011

Following orders

This evening I've done as I was told and taken 30mg of slow release morphine.

As a result, I haven't needed any quick release since tea-time. I feel pleasantly stoned, and more importantly the pain has gone down. I'll be taking the sleeping pill shortly (I don't want to take it too close to the 10pm Lofepramine, in case they interact).

Also, for the first time in three months, I've found myself wishing I could go back to work. It's since my doze this afternoon. I've been feeling stable, low pain and not so exhausted. And I've quite fancied the idea of doing some work.

Wouldn't it be incredible if the key to navigating the current levels of pain and depression were something as simple as getting enough sleep!

I remember when I first started one of the anti-seizure drugs they tried for the pain (either Gabapentin, or Pregabalin, Son of Gabapentin) - for the first few weeks it made me sleep all the time and the pain levels dropped dramatically. Unfortunately, it didn't last, but I remember the pain consultant agreeing that the right amount and kind of sleep can be central to managing pain. I'm sure the same must go for depression.

Please let this be an ongoing feature, not just a blip to tease me with.

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I dozed off this afternoon, and it's amazing how much better you can feel after a bit of sleep.

Obviously it wasn't just the doze, it was the sleep last night, but I do feel a lot brighter. Even if it only lasts a few hours, it's a nice break, especially as the pain went down for a bit too (it's back up now).

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Ok, still here.

Felt no side effects at all. In fact, I don't know if it worked; I did sleep, but I still woke up at 6 and the dozed for a few hours.

Maybe it worked, I do feel more rested than the last time I got any sleep, though I could quite happily go back to bed, and I probably will.

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