Because I don't have enough to contend with...

I want to write something here, but I don't have words for how shit things currently are.

Not only do I have to fight endless pain, I now have to fight my boss, who is trying to drive me out, and is using my disability as an excuse. Her response to me going to Personnel about it - having exhausted the nicey-nicey options of speaking to her quietly, friendly meetings and prompting emails - is to now nitpick at every tiny word, to try and prove how much better than me she is. Except the things she's picking at - they aren't things I've done wrong. They're opposing opinions, different viewpoints; no less valid than hers, and no less well-informed, just different. Or they're things where she's changed the brief, without telling me (or she's purposely never quite got round to providing the brief, so she can constantly change the rules!). Or they're little details in the debate that are so insignificant to the actual question that I haven't bothered to mention them - I haven't felt the need to demonstrate I understand the minutiae of the situation, because I'm secure enough in my abilities to think that others will know I know them.

Yet she feels the need to point them out, to try and make me feel small. If only she knew that I grew up under a master of that kind of manipulation and manoeuvring, and that she's a rank amateur compared to him! Or that the very accident that put me in this situation also finally allowed me to break free of the legacy of that kind of treatment, and see it for what it is - the desperate attempt by a weak-minded person to make themselves feel powerful.

In reality, all she's really doing is showing off her own insecurities, making herself look unprofessional and insignificant. I mean, what kind of person picks on the disabled employee who's known for her determination to keep working despite the pain and the limitations? What kind of person thinks that sort of behaviour is acceptable? She's so desperate to prove how indespensible she is, that she's actually becoming a liability. She knows damn well that not only can I do my job, I could do hers too. And if she's not careful, her little campaign against me will get the whole lot of them sued.


Turns out I was wrong - there are words for how shit things currently are.