Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Friday, 30 September 2011
I feel too awful to write on here, but the shrink says I should put something up to explain why I can't see, speak or even write to anyone at the moment. So this is it.
Doing the DLA forms has me in pieces - focussing on all the problems, making things worse by doing it and knowing it's pointless because they'll say no. Sorry.
Doing the DLA forms has me in pieces - focussing on all the problems, making things worse by doing it and knowing it's pointless because they'll say no. Sorry.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Dislocation
I got the table set up, and managed about half an hour of doing the forms. By that time the pain in my back was getting too much, so I had to stop.
Unfortunately, that was probably too much - it had triggered the neck pressure, and I'm now fighting a losing battle with it. There is a 'right' position, but it requires my arm to be stretched forward and out, to the point that it feels semi-dislocated.
I don't think it actually is dislocating, I think it's just muscles being pulled taut, but the problem is that they're not snapping back. So when I do get up, eg to take the Lofepramine, I'm moving around with my arm feeling like it's falling off. It's also extremely painful, even lying still, but that pain is preferrable to the neck pressure, so I have no choice but to put up with it.
Unfortunately, that was probably too much - it had triggered the neck pressure, and I'm now fighting a losing battle with it. There is a 'right' position, but it requires my arm to be stretched forward and out, to the point that it feels semi-dislocated.
I don't think it actually is dislocating, I think it's just muscles being pulled taut, but the problem is that they're not snapping back. So when I do get up, eg to take the Lofepramine, I'm moving around with my arm feeling like it's falling off. It's also extremely painful, even lying still, but that pain is preferrable to the neck pressure, so I have no choice but to put up with it.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Feeling better today. Finally went to sleep, after awful panic attacks, but then did sleep through.
Back feels reasonably OK, shoulder pain is building but currently bearable. At this point, no neck pressure, though we all know that could change in seconds.
I'm going to make the most of this window, by putting into practice a brainwave I had last night (and it drove me crazy not getting straight on with it!).
I'm going to put the over-chair table by the bed, with the laptop ready on it. This will mean I can still use it on days when I can't actually lift it. I'll also put things on it like my reading specs (how old does that make me feel!), the remote controls and my pen - all the things that I usually have to twist to pick up.
It's a great idea, because it'll put everything in easy reach, I put an end to all the times I'm lying there wanting something, but knowing that moving to get it will kick off the pain. And the table has been out of use for a while - I stopped using it because it doesn't fit under the mothership, which meant I always had to move to the sofa to eat, and if I wanted to watch TV while eating, I had to twist.
Once I've done all that, I'll hopefully be able to get on with those bloody forms...
Back feels reasonably OK, shoulder pain is building but currently bearable. At this point, no neck pressure, though we all know that could change in seconds.
I'm going to make the most of this window, by putting into practice a brainwave I had last night (and it drove me crazy not getting straight on with it!).
I'm going to put the over-chair table by the bed, with the laptop ready on it. This will mean I can still use it on days when I can't actually lift it. I'll also put things on it like my reading specs (how old does that make me feel!), the remote controls and my pen - all the things that I usually have to twist to pick up.
It's a great idea, because it'll put everything in easy reach, I put an end to all the times I'm lying there wanting something, but knowing that moving to get it will kick off the pain. And the table has been out of use for a while - I stopped using it because it doesn't fit under the mothership, which meant I always had to move to the sofa to eat, and if I wanted to watch TV while eating, I had to twist.
Once I've done all that, I'll hopefully be able to get on with those bloody forms...
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Again, the terror. I can't sleep from it, it makes me nauseous, I'm shaking, I want to cry. My dad is haunting me. I'm so tense, the pain is rising again, despite all the meds. I can't breathe.
God please let me out of my own head.
God please let me out of my own head.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
Monday, 26 September 2011
Managed to keep the morphine under my limit today - first time in 5 days. All of the previous days I've kept it to within the emergency limit - ie an extra 20mg on top of the 30mg contingency - but it's still higher than I'd like.
Today, I've managed to use just 25mg of the contingency. Sadly, it's not a sign of a good day - I didn't even try taking more because the nature of the pain, and the way it's responded for the past few days, made me pretty sure it wouldn't do much good.
So I've had no choice but to just lie here in pain. I took a double slow release dose at 7pm, plus three quick release just now at the same time as the usual bedtime double dose. I'm hoping this will at least allow me to get some sleep.
I did manage to get the chins out, but it made the back pain a lot worse. That was what I was afraid of, but I needed the cuddles, so I tried it anyway. And then wound up back in bed, where I've been for most of the day.
Today, I've managed to use just 25mg of the contingency. Sadly, it's not a sign of a good day - I didn't even try taking more because the nature of the pain, and the way it's responded for the past few days, made me pretty sure it wouldn't do much good.
So I've had no choice but to just lie here in pain. I took a double slow release dose at 7pm, plus three quick release just now at the same time as the usual bedtime double dose. I'm hoping this will at least allow me to get some sleep.
I did manage to get the chins out, but it made the back pain a lot worse. That was what I was afraid of, but I needed the cuddles, so I tried it anyway. And then wound up back in bed, where I've been for most of the day.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
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