I've been feeling really angry all day today. It's like the depths of the depression have been replaced by a raging fury.

I've had a couple of days of not wanting to die. Right now, I don't feel like I'm drowning in the depression, I don't feel overwhelmed by that blackness. But I am thinking about dying.

I'm thinking about it in a more detached, clinical way than over the past few weeks. I want there to be a way of ending on an upnote, combining achieving one last ambition, with an end to all the pain. I just don't know if that would ever be possible.

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