I'm in hideous, excruciating agony and I have been for days. I have t slept since I don't-know-when. I drugged myself into insensibility yesterday and it still didn't help the pain. I'm a hair's breadth from ending it all.

The therapy session today was the worst one yet, because this time I felt like she had no idea what I was on about. And what she's suggesting I need to do - to basically change my whole fucking personality before there's any chance of the pain stopping - I don't have the strength. I don't even know where to start.

I want to sob my heart out but it hurts too fucking much. I can't do this and I don't want to. There's no point. Why go through all this, to still be in pain? I might just as well kill myself now. I really really want to. You have no idea how much I want to just slit my throat. Ear to ear, and that would be it. I don't know what I'm living for as it is - no job, no life. I want to die, right now. I just want to die. Please just fucking kill me now. I'd give anything for someone to just kill me right now.

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