I haven't felt suicidal since last night's revelations about being stuck in childhood terror, and the bus.

I think that realisation was important, but I don't know why. I've felt down today, but not actually suicidal. That's a good thing, especially as I can still feel, so it's not a complete shutdown, like before.

Physically, I feel weary and sore as though I've walked three or four miles: not surprising, given that I walked around for an hour this morning when normally I barely move.

I haven't had the 'morphine back pain', which is very good news. I've only taken basic pills and yesterday I only took 10 mg extra, so I finished 20mg under my limit. At the moment I'd say I feel better for having greater control over what I take.

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