I'm not attempting any psych work tonight. I can feel the tears just holding back. I dont want to set it off: I don't think I have the strength to feel all that again.

I've taken top up pills for the worsening pain, and read till I can barely keep my eyes open. Given how little sleep I got last night, I'm hoping that will all allow me to drop off quickly. I'll put a DVD on though, because as soon as I start thinking, I'm done for.

Just the thought of trying to sleep is making me want to cry. And I have t been able to turn the lights off for days. It's a good job - if the lights had been out when I screamed myself awake two nights ago, I don't know what I would have done.

I'm scared. Of the dark, of the memories, of my own mind.

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