At the moment, though, what I need from them is going to be really difficult for them to give. It's counter-intuitive and they're going to feel like they're letting me down. They'll feel they're not helping, because what I'm asking for is doing nothing.
I can't bear the fact that whenever I talk about how crap all this is, how awful I feel, they sympathise, then they come up with something positive. Something that's meant to make me feel better. Like at the moment, saying 'at least you know the frozen shoulder will release'. But it doesn't help, and I don't want to hear it.
You might think you're helping by pointing out the positives, but actually all you're doing is highlighting how much you can't understand this. I don't want to hear that things will get better. I don't want to hear that it could be worse. As far as I'm concerned THIS IS THE WORSE. And I don't want anyone waving that fact in my face by shining a light on positives that I can't see. Because that's what it feels like you're doing, even though I know you don't mean to and I love that you're trying to help me.
And it really doesn't help to do what so many do - to talk about the positives, and when I reject them, to say they'll hold on to the hope for me. If you want to hold on to hope, that's fine, but I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to know about your hope, because it just rubs my nose in the fact that I don't have any.
So if you want to help me right now, you need to put all your instincts aside and NOT try to make me feel better. Listen, sympathise then please, just shut up.
Because that's what will really help now. That's what will ease some of the current loneliness - to think that others understand and share the hopelessness. That I'm not dealing with it on my own.
(None if this should be taken as criticism, by the way, it's just how I feel at the moment.)
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
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