Talked to him about how bad the depression is at the moment, the unending stream of hideously dark thoughts and how scared I am about what might happen. At one point he asked if I felt i needed to be somewhere safe. I've always had a terror of someone throwing me in the looney bin, dating back to the days of my dad saying no-one would believe me about what he was doing to me, and they'd all just think I was mad. But when he said that today, I just felt numb; that in itself is terrifying. Anyway, I said I seem to always call friends when it gets that bad, so no, it's just the being alone with it all that's so hard.
He wanted me to see a psychiatrist, who could prescribe better antidepressants. The thought of having to sit there and explain it all yet again, to yet another person was just too much though. I wound up begging him not to make me go, so he's going to talk to them first, then let me know what we need to do.
Thank god he was so understanding. This is exactly why I didn't want to change doctors when I moved house - he knows me very well now and he gets it (mostly).
I just hope to god this shrink bloke can come up with something helpful. I've reduced the Fluoxetine because the doc agrees it's making things worse. Apparently the shrink might just add something as well, rather than swapping over completely. I don't really care, I just want to not feel this way any more.
Posted from Blogium for iPhone
No comments:
Post a Comment