Tuesday, 20 December 2011

'Unfairness reflex'

I'm having an odd reaction to the therapy; my 'unfairness reflex' - the part of me that always overreacts to any perceived injustice - has gone into overdrive.

I always get very angry and upset whenever I feel someone is treating me unfairly. I also get angry at unfairness to others, e.g. an able-bodied person using a disabled space. It doesn't affect me directly - I've already got a space, for example - but I'm annoyed in others' behalf.

At the moment though, I'm becoming utterly incensed, beside myself with rage at injustice to people completely removed from myself - on TV for example.

I was watching something on TV today where a labouring woman couldn't get an epidural because the only anaesthetist in duty was in theatre. I felt so furious on behalf of this poor woman forced to endure the pain of labour without relief simply because of the hospital's failure to provide enough staff.

I was crying with fury and I had to stop watching. Then later, I was watching something else, a comedy, where one character was taking advantage of another, and she was letting him get away with it. I was overcome with fury and had to change channels.

I've never been this bad before. It must be because the therapy is bringing things to the surface. It has me worried though; if I can get that upset at injustice on a fictional TV show, how am I going to react if someone does something 'unfair' to me?

It's especially worrying given that I have to see my mother in four days time. My mother whose abandonment and neglect of me is one of the root causes of that same 'unfairness reflex'. I'm now dreading going over there, and seeing her. Totally dreading it.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

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