Tuesday, 13 March 2012

More 'new' memories

Hideous revelations tonight - more new memories I'd suppressed because they were too awful to acknowledge.

Being offered around like a plate of hors d'oeuvres. The disgust and humiliation of someone else doing those terrible things to me. The confusion of knowing I always have to do what grownups tell me, yet surely I'm not supposed to be doing this? Then the blind terror that dad will blame me for letting someone else 'play' with his 'special possession' - me - never knowing it was his idea all along. And the ever-present fear of being banished to the empty desert of mum's 'affections' if I don't get it 'right' for him. But what's 'right'?

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