Friday, 16 March 2012

The therapist told me today that I'm doing really well and making big progress.

I can't see it myself. All I can see is that the pain is significantly worse; the morphine is much less effective and hence I'm having to take a LOT more of it just to get a tiny bit of relief; and the emotional turmoil is more painful, more out of control, and more unbearable than I could ever have imagined.

The getting-worse-before-it-gets-better thing hasn't been a surprise - I expected it to happen - but the degree of the physical deterioration, the extent of the emotional trauma - that I never expected.

I just hope I can keep going, and it's worth it in the end. The doctor was very keen that I carry on, when I saw him earlier in the week. I was expecting a bollocking for how much morphine I've been taking, but the fact that I'm taking it because of all the fallout from the therapy seemed to satisfy him. It won't last forever though.

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