Feel like shit.

Don't know how it's possible to feel so empty, numb, lonely, overwhelmed, paralysed, got at, restless and guilty, all at the same time, but I do and I hate it.

I feel like everyone is judging me, that I'm a failure and a screwup, but at the same time i feel totally isolated and abandoned, like no-one's there to even notice what I do.

Even writing this I feel a failure because I can't put into words how bad I feel. Everything I try just sounds trite and inadequate compared to how I feel inside. It's like the words are all running on 10watt bulbs, instead of the usual 50watt. And I don't know how to turn them up.

In fact all of me feels turned down, faded out, like I'm somehow out of phase with the rest of the world. I keep reaching out to try to connect, but it's like my hand brushes against the world then passes through it. And any minute, I'm just going to disappear altogether.

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