Tuesday, 29 March 2011


Jesus I feel weird.

I had something to eat and took another pill after the last post. For the past half hour, I've been lying here feeling totally bizarre.

It's hard to describe, but i've felt it before, when I was on morphine in 2009. I'm even having the same creepy hallucination.

It must be down to no Fluoxetine, but I don't understand why or how, because I didn't stop taking it back then. I'd have to look at my notes, but they're in the other room, and I don't trust myself standing up right now.

My eyes feel like they're popping out the back of my head; I'm hallucinating about some creepy office scenario; I'm sweating like mad; I'm spaced and dizzy. It's difficult to describe, but the spaceyness is totally different to 'normal'. The all-over itching is missing too. And so far, the fear I'm feeling is completely different to the panic attacks.

All my sensations feel hyperexaggerated. My breathing is really wierd. The world is spinning in a very 3D way. My skin is tingling. I feel like I'm in triple gravity. It's like my perceptions have gone from a standard 'Hollywood' California accent, to broad Mafia New York.

I feel like major revelations are coming any second, like when I tried hypnotherapy whilst on morphine. Ironically, the only thing anchoring me to reality is the pain, which stabs when I move. I'm starting to get some really bad back pain too, which is perversely welcome, just because I know it's real.

It's like my brain is trying to throw up all kinds of shit that's been stuck in my craw for years, about my ex, my dad, the accident. When I comes, it's going to be like vomiting acid.

I think the slow release pill is releasing and that's mixing with the quick release one, without the Flou there to interfere. Why it feels like '09 I don't yet know, unless I took a break to try to figure out the interactions. I really really don't like it tho.

3.15 am. My brain is now mixing together random images - the toys from the TV show Play School (esp Little Ted and Hanbal) being forcibly dragged out of the castle at the end of Romancint The Stone. For which, read innocence stolen by abuse

[not editing this because feel too weird]

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