Tuesday, 25 October 2011


I've taken 80mg of morphine in the past 6 hours - that's what it's required to get the pain under control, and even then it's just bearable, not gone. Unfortunately, though, it's causing really bad panic attacks.

I'm stuck in a catch-22: less morphine and I won't be able to sleep for the pain, but enough morphine to ease the pain and I can't sleep for the panic attacks. Terrific.

2am. And the pain-killing effect is wearing off faster than the panic attacks. So I get to be in pain and terrified, all at the same time. Christ, how much fucking worse can this get?

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