I feel like shit today.

I did get some sleep, though very broken, but I woke up with the neck pressure still awful.

Then I watched a TV programme about a lame horse. There was nothing the vet could do and the owner decided it wasn't fair to make him suffer a life in pain, so she had him put down. And all I could think was 'why won't someone do that for me?'.

If it's not OK to make a horse suffer, why is it OK to force me to suffer? Am I so much less important than a horse, that society is happy to just leave me to a life in agony? How can that possibly be right? Moral? Civilised?

I want to die, there's nothing anyone can do to help me, so why won't they just let me? Why?

I decided to try and sublimate my pain with food. I ordered two delicious pizzas (buy one get one free). But I could only manage two slices. I wish I could lace it with arsenic.

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