Wednesday 15 June 2011

Horrible episode

Horrible experience this morning. I don't quite know how to describe it, because the only word I can come up with - collapse - sounds melodramatic.

'Collapse' always suggests to me a loss of consciousness; I didn't pass out, but I did fall down, and I couldn't get up for around 30 minutes. I was lying there, trying to decide how bad things have to be for it to be time to call an ambulance. And I was wondering what the hell they'd be able to do anyway (once they'd kicked down my door, since it was locked and I couldn't get to it).

I had my phone in my pocket - I've learnt from previous experiences like this - but I didn't know what to do with it.

What happened was that I'd been fine, moving around at times, sitting watching TV, then I stood up to go and take the Lofepramine. I had a really strong headrush - came over all dizzy -then it was just like all the strength drained out of my body from one second to the next. I managed to aim my fall so I landed back in the chair, instead of on the floor, and I couldn't get up again.

I was lying there dizzy, hot, I couldn't breathe and I didn't have the strength even to move into a comfortable position - I was half sitting half lying, with face pressed against the back of the chair.

I couldn't reach my pills - not that I was trying to, they wouldn't have helped - and I couldn't reach the controller for the chair, to ease my position. All I could get to was the phone, and like I say, I didn't know whether I should call.

After about half an hour it eased enough for me to roll over and lie properly, then to get up and take the medication I'd been going for in the first place (not without heavy reliance on my stick, and it took two or three tries to get out of the chair). Unfortunately, I was still confused, and so I then took Oxynorm too close to the Lofepramine, completely negating the pain killing effect. But the pain had been building and building while I lay there, and I wasn't thinking straight, I was just looking for some relief.

Now, I'm stuck still in pain because the morphine couldn't work; i waiting as long as I can to take more, just in case. I managed to get some food a couple of hours after the attack, but could only move round the house shuffling along with my stick, like an old lady.

I was going to go to bed, but I feel very light headed and weak - I think the same thing will happen if I tried to stand up, and I'm scared.

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