Saturday 25 June 2011

I knew sleeping this afternoon would mean lying awake half the night, and it is.

I'm terrified though. I keep dozing off then waking up and finding the light on and it scares me to death because I thunk it means there's someone here (rather than that I've left the light on so I won't be scared).

There's someone upstairs with serial sneezes that keeps scaring me and they're walking round in laminated floors in clicky heels at 3am.

I know it's the morphine making me paranoid, but it's horrible. And I keep getting scared that I'll do something and not realise it's all a dream till it's too late. And there's the itching all over too - I keep finding blood everywhere because ice scratched myself raw with the itching.

I know none if this is making sense - I'm not reading the blogs before I post them, so they're almost 'stream of consciousness' , which is bad enough when you're not drugged, way worse when you are.

And of course the meds will be wearing off now, so pretty soon I'll be in big pain again, on top of everything else.

So much for the lovely floaty afternoon.


4am. It's no better with the light on. And now Sneezey upstairs has put weird music on.

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