Tuesday 14 June 2011

Very upset following phone appointment with doc.

The first thing to upset me was having to talk about my Temazapam experience: that left me in floods of tears.

Then I told him about my current morphine regime - a slow release pill every 4-5 hours throughout the day to build up enough in my system to get through the night, and to limit the amount of quick release I take (thus leaving me with something to resort to when things get especially bad).

He said it was fine, but it's not great because, as I have always feared, I'll just have to keep increasing it as my body gets used to each dose. There'll be no end to it; it would be much better to find a way to actually stop the pain.

Obviously, I know this, and I also know that if there was such a solution, we'd already be doing it. He said to talk to the Pain Clinic, but I know he'll say there isn't anything; let's face it, I've been asking him for a solution for years. If he had one, I'm pretty sure he would've mentioned it by now.

The whole conversation left me feeling alone and utterly hopeless.

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