Thursday 14 July 2011

Betrayed

I'm not good with let-downs and betrayal.

It comes from suffering the ultimate let-down/betrayal scenario - a father who rapes you and a mother who lets him.

I trusted my doctor, I thought he was on my side. Now I feel completely betrayed by him.

He knows me, he's supposed to stand up for me, but he quite clearly simply caved to the idea that I must be a junkie abusing my meds, just because I got upset at the prospect of being without them. He, of all people, should have understood it was fear of the pain driving my reaction, not fear of losing some high.

But he just went along with it. I've never done anything to deserve that and he was the one a couple of months ago telling me off for not taking pills when I needed them.

Now I feel even more alone than I did before. I can't bear the uncertainty of three weeks till I next see him, wondering if he'll be like that again or go back to normal. Will he just decide to cut me off? How will I ever trust him again after this?

I had two medical people I trusted. Now one's betrayed me and one's leaving.

And I can't sleep because I can't stop crying. Every time you think you couldn't be any more alone, it turns out you can. Never mind how to get through the night, how do I get through the next ten minutes?

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

No comments:

Post a Comment