Tried some nice chicken for tea, with a spicy dipping sauce and some nice bread. It should've been lovely, but I could barely manage a few mouthfuls.

I've got no appetite, and I feel sick whenever I eat anything. I can only imagine it's because of the amount of morphine I'm taking at the moment, and the fact that it's having such a devastating effect in me.

Every pill I take at the moment completely flattens me. I can't stay awake. But even with the pills, the pain is so bad I can't sit up. Without it, I don't know what I'd be like.

I'm so out of it that I can't walk in a straight line. I can't drive, but I can't walk either. I can't get to the post box, I can't get to the chemist. I'm completely trapped. My whole world now comes down to a bedroom. 22 hours a day that's all I see. Everyone else has people and lives and choices. I'm all own my own. Forever.

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