I've begun working through the new book my friend gave me (or re-begun, given that I started once before and had to stop). I'm doing it in conjunction with the 'Fuck the pain' attitude I've mentioned before.
As last time, it's having immediate effects on my emotional state. In both cases, it's leaving me in a state of complete terror. Last time I was terrified to step outside my bedroom at night, for fear of what might be waiting there. Then there was the dream/flashback of someone looming over me. And today I was suddenly transported back to being a tiny baby, lying in a pram, terrified and wailing for someone to protect me, to keep me safe. But no-one came. (Yes, I know they say we don't remember that far back, but I do believe such intense emotions can stay in memory.)
I dread to think what happens next, but I was too emotionally exhausted to be able to reject the pain when it flared around 6, so I had to take top-up pills instead. Now I feel totally stoned, the pain is fighting back and God knows what my psyche will come up with next.
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