It's one of the reasons I decided to settle in the UK when I finished my studies, instead of returning to South America or Spain. So I could be nearby.
But how am I going to do that now? I can't get to them. I might as well be in another country for how accessible I am to them.
I can't babysit, I can't take them places. I wanted to be able to take them swimming, have them stay over for the weekend, do all those cool fun things that aunties do. Instead, I barely get to see them, and when I do, they spend their whole time being told to be careful, get off, mind aunty's poorly shoulder, and be quiet because aunty's sleeping. I'm like a piece of glass - look but don't touch.
That's not what I wanted. That was never what I wanted.
My sister says I have to hang around because the kids will need me, but what bloody good am I to them like this?
Apparently my neice has been asking to see me for ages, so they're coming over tomorrow. I'm really excited, but i've been stuck in bed for days, so it'll be a bloody boring visit for them. I don't understand why she even wants to come - I'm no bloody fun.
I remember the last time I saw her before the accident. She was three and we played in the bouncy castle. She'd try to escape and I would catch her and 'throw' her against the bouncy walls. She loved it and so did I. I want to go back to that.
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