Thursday, 5 May 2011

Call yourself civilised?

I get so sick of writing the same thing over and over. I get so sick of being in pain all the time.

Why does it never change? Why does it never get any better?

I don't know how I'm supposed to just keep going and going, in a situation that can never change. Where am I supposed to get the energy, the motivation to get up each day, when I know that all I'm looking at is pain and fallout from the pain?

When you're in a crappy job that causes you nothing but trouble, everyone tells you to move on. When you're in a shitty relationship that causes you nothing but grief, you leave. But when the root of the problem is your own body, you're supposed to just put up with it.

No-one in their right mind expects someone in an abusive relationship to stay there, but when it's your own body causing the pain, that's somehow meant to be OK. It wouldn't be OK for an animal, so why should it be OK for me?

I don't understand. Everything in society seems to be geared around extending my suffering. In any other situation, it would be not only acceptable but morally expected for someone to do everything they can to get out of that situation. But I'm supposed to just accept it and carry on. Any talk of taking action to redress things is somehow wrong, little short of a crime.

How can it be that the 'crime' is ending someone's suffering? How can any 'civilised' society, any religion, any government claim it's right to force a person to live in endless agony?

It doesn't matter how many times I write about it, the situation never changes. I'm still looking out over the same bleak landscape.

I wish I could just give up and do it.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

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