On my own

I should feel good this evening. I've managed to cut the morphine by 20mg today, through a combination of the TENS machine, the sling, refusing to move and staggering the two slow release pills across the evening instead of taking them both together.

Rather than feeling good and proud of myself for what is, in reality, a huge achievement, I just feel miserable and shit.

My sister phoned earlier, and although we had a really nice chat, and she was lovely as ever, she said she can't come and visit at the moment because of car trouble.

It's a perfectly valid reason and I know she wouldn't say it unless she had to, but it still really upset me. I couldn't help crying while we were in the phone, and I kept bursting into tears for hours after.

It's left me feeling completely crap. I just feel miserable and empty and low. I'm dreading the start of yet another day, yet another week.

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