Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Shut up and drive

I've worked out the key to who I can cope with being around at the moment, and who I can't.

It all comes down to their ability to put my mental state above their own desire to have their say.

Most people, it seems, say they'll listen and will move on from a topic if you tell them it's too difficult, but in actuality, most of them are fundamentally incapable if doing that. You always end up with some variation on 'yes, but...'.

For example, you tell them you don't want any questions about work, and you get 'OK, fine, but you're still going in, are you?'. Which part of 'no questions about work' didn't they understand? Or you say 'I can't cope with problems, yours or mine' to which they reply 'sure, but god I'm just having such a bad time with...'. Perhaps my all time favourite (not) is when they feel that they absolutely must put a positive spin on the conversation before letting it go. 'But it won't always be like this' or 'it's bound to get better' for instance.

It's infuriating, it's rude and it only makes the depression worse. Because there I am, opening up and telling them what I need from them, as people who care about me, and their response is to ignore me and do what makes then feel best. It trivializes the hideous time I'm going through, and demonstrates just how little they really understand it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting I'm more important than they are, or that I should always come first. But at the moment, when they know things are really bad, you'd think they could manage to shut up and listen for a change.

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