Lost my voice

9am The blog upload site has been down for nearly 12 hours now, and I'm finding it really hard not having that outlet. I feel like one of my support mechanisms has been torn away, and it makes me feel very vulnerable having to cope without it.

The outage also robbed me of the opportunity last night to post that I was actually experiencing a rare moment of optimism.

5.15pm Another 'working' week over. Another week that I've been forced to spend mostly in bed. Another week of pain and tears and hopelessness. Of feeling lost and adrift and completely out of control.

When do the weeks of improvement start? One, two, three months down the line? Jesus Christ.

5.45pm The pain improved significantly after a hot bath this morning, giving me a somewhat better day than expected. It's flared up again now though, and is really bad. On top of that, I'm feeling very sick, because I had to take big doses of morphine, but I was starving, so had to eat too close to the pills.

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