I finally tried sleeping again at 5am and managed an hour or so. I took the double dose at 5 and was woken repeatedly by the pain stabbing in my shoulder, even though I felt totally stoned. It never quite broke through though, and after such a hideous night, I really wanted to have a morphine-free day.
That quickly became impossible though - when I tried sitting up the pain morphed into neck pressure that caused a full-on migraine. I had to take morphine and migraine stuff and go back to bed. I've been unable even to stand up since then, never mind sit in a chair. I'm trapped in bed.
My left arm has also been numb most of the day, and at one point I was struggling to even move my fingers.
The depression was been some of the worst ever. I've been in tears most of the day, I can't bear to talk to anyone, though I've been desperate to know they were there. I should have organised company for the anniversary, but I've never felt this bad on this day before - it's taken me totally by surprise.
I need to get over to the doctor's tomorrow, but god knows if I'll make it. I wonder if he can sign me off over the phone.
I got up just now to put the aircon on for the chins - I was hoping that after hours of lying down, I'd cope a bit better with that, and have a chance of being able to get up for the evening, but no such luck - the neck pressure was just as bad, and the migraine immediately started again. So it looks like I'll be stuck here for hours more.
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