Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Shades of reality

I'm finding it really difficult to distinguish the boundaries of reality, because of the weird dreams I keep having.

The dreams are never the same, but they share key characteristics. In each one, I'm in some kind of mundane situation (a snowy town, waiting to go into an exam, that sort of thing) with people I know (but not always my actual friends).

Then there's a series of scenes, in the same location, where each time there's been some small but fundamental change (a bit like a rolling Spot the Difference). On top of that, for each change I dream that I've woken from a dream. So I'm forever looking round in confusion, then realising it's a dream.

Sometimes the scenario is clearly not real, but sometimes it's in places I know with people I know. It all seems so real, that I end up with no idea what's real and what's not. And that sense of dislocation carries on throughout the day; I have no idea whether what I'm 'remembering' really happened or not.

I think I know what's going on; I think it's a reflection of the 'rabbiting' that my brain is constantly doing, scrabbling around trying to find a way out of the pain and disability. Of course it never finds one, because there is none, but these dreams are freaking me out.

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