I have no desire to prolong this horrible existence, which means that all sorts of things that would normally be scary, aren't.
For instance, I was watching something on TV with an armed car jacking. In the past, that thought would've scared me, but not any more.
You see, if I don't care about living like this, what's scary about someone waving a gun in my face? I'd just tell them to go ahead. Chances are they wouldn't actually shoot me anyway, and if they didn't, I'd have foiled a theft. If they did - well, who wants to live like this anyway?
And health scares - not so scary anymore. Like the smear test request I decided to ignore the other week. Or the slightly odd-looking mole on my arm that I'd normally get checked out. Why bother? If there is something there, it just means a potential end to all this pain.
And that can only be a good thing.
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