Tuesday, 20 September 2011


So, the doctor's appointment.

I told him what a horrible time I've been having lately: the episode in Tesco, yesterday's neck pressure, the upset over the rehab testing.

I also told him about the new morphine regime: I now take 70mg as the standard dose with a top-up contingency of 30mg and a further 20mg on a particularly bad day *but only if the original top-ups have worked*.

He was very pleased with this, which is good, because I need to keep him on-side so he'll keep prescribing such strong meds.

He was also happy to write to the insurance company about the rehab testing. He hoped that would be enough to get them to drop the whole idea, but I said I doubted that.

I asked for a new sick note and he signed me off till the end of year. It didn't take me by surprise this time, but still I couldn't help crying. He said that he's optimistic that I will eventually get better, because I want to - there are lots of people in my position, he said, who don't. I asked if he realistically thought I could get back to work some day and he said he really did. I don't see how - and he had no suggestion - but I just have to hope he's right.

The doc told me he still hasn't had a reply from the Pain Clinic regarding my questions about swapping over to Tapentadol, and top-ups whilst on it. I said it was moot now anyway: if there are no top-ups allowed - as the consultant originally told me - then it's no good at all. And anyway, I need to be able to take pain relief gradually throughout the day: a slow release pill every 4-6 hours. The Tapentadol is one pill twice a day, and I know that just means the effect will wear off, leaving me in agony.

We also talked about the problems I'm having completing the DLA forms myself, how hard it is to motivate myself to eat, the impact of all the problems on my relationships and how isolated I now am.

I felt so low after all this, I just sat there and cried. He was very sweet and he gave me a big hug at the end; I really needed it.

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