Thursday, 15 September 2011

Fairly good day, at least in comparison to the last few.

I did get some sleep last night, so got up feeling somewhat better than yesterday. The pain has been manageable, though requiring maximum top-ups. There was a brief period when I was trying to go out and it flared so badly I thought I wouldn't be able to drive, but it eased. And it was very bad after driving, but it responded well to three top-up pills (and the same again just now).

The neck pressure is bad if I get the position of my arm wrong, but there is a right position. The biggest problem is my back, all as a result of the 30-minute drive to the psychologist.

The appointment went well. She's been much more useful since my tantrum, and I've been more honest, letting her in on issues I've previously kept to myself.

The bad thing was that the insurance company rang about the rehab testing that so freaked me out on Tuesday. The call went to voicemail, but I guessed who it would be and got really upset again, at the idea of the testing. I was crying and shaking at the fear of the pain it will cause, and the feeling of powerlessness at being forced to go.

The shrink was very helpful and suggested she talk to them to make sure they understand the impact this is having on my mental health. She also suggested I get the GP to talk to them about the physical issues.

It helped, but I was still in a state about it. I decided to talk to Personnel before the insurance people, to find out what she'd heard in her conversations following my panicked emails. She didn't have much to add, but we did have a goof chat, and it was nice to get through a conversation without crying.

I didn't call the insurance people in the end because I was in so much pain, I couldn't face it. I'd also calmed down about the whole thing and didn't fancy getting upset all over again. I'll have to do it tomorrow though, and am already dreading it, because I fear they won't listen to me.

I also need to get started on the new DLA forms, but that needs me to be able to sit up, and I haven't felt up to that all week. It's worrying me, the thought of how much time the form takes, and actually finding that much time when I feel well enough to sit up

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