Saturday 10 September 2011

Failed

I spent under two hours on the laptop this morning, listing stuff on eBay. And it's nearly killed me.

By the time I finished, I was in agony. My back felt ready to explode with pain. I took two top-up pills and lay down. They've kicked in, but still the pain is so bad the furthest I can walk is the kitchen, and I can't sit up for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

I was using the laptop in bed, so my legs were outstretched, but even so, I don't imagine things would've been much better if I'd been at a desk.

This was on top of the painful day I had yesterday, and the activity of the previous day, which had already caused a lot of back pain.

It all represents just a fraction of the movement and activity that would be required if I was working, even if it was only part-time. I imagine the minimum amount if hours you can do part-time is 10 per week, or 2 per day.

Over the past three days respectively, I've done 1 hour, half an hour, and 2 hours. The rest of the time I've been confined to bed and taking top-up pills, because of the pain caused by those attempts at 'work'.

All of this proves that, as I feared, work - even at very low part-time levels - remains impossible. Yet the lower morphine levels mean I'm awake more, and much more concious of the shitty hopelessness of my situation. So I'm even worse off than before.

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