I can feel the feelings starting to rise up again and I remember this happened once before. When I was on morphine the first time, and seeing the hypnotherapist, things went a bit crazy at one point and all the feelings seemed to switch off, just like this.
It's a defense mechanism - when the feelings get too overwhelming or destructive, my mind just turns them all off for a bit, to protect me.
I remember, because it felt like this when they started to come back. It's like starting to get the feeling back in a numb arm; gradually, the sensation returns, you get pins and needles, it feels a bit like you're wearing someone else's arm for a while, but eventually it all settles down.
Which means it will this time too. Good; although it's nice not to be crying incessantly, it's very strange and unpleasant, being divorced from your own feelings. All things considered, I'd rather have the bloody things back and sort through them properly. Though I know I won't be saying that next time the waterworks stick on.
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