Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Small victory

I've just managed to have a shower, and it was pure deliciousness.

You know you're in a bad way, when having a shower is worthy of a blog post, and you headline it 'Small victory'.

I did it because I'm hoping to go to the doc's first thing; showering and driving on the same day is no longer possible.

I took 40mg of slow release morphine at 6pm, and I've been OK since. I haven't needed a top-up, I've managed to sit up in the lounge and get to and from the kitchen as required. For the first time in days.

I'm hoping this is a sign of the current crisis drawing to a close. I've found in the past that sometimes, the only way to stop the pain going crazy is to drown it with morphine, almost shock it into stopping. I'd hoped the awful amounts of yesterday might do that, but no.

Because I knew what I was expecting today, pain-wise, I hit it with bigger doses, less frequently. The net result is 10mg more, in total, than yesterday, but light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm in a catch 22 regarding the doc; if the pain goes back to 'normal' levels, I've got enough morphine to last well into next week. If it carries on like the last two days, I won't make it through the weekend (especially not with the added day from the Bank Hol). So I have to see him tomorrow or Friday, in case. I'm aiming for tomorrow so if it fails, I have another day to fall back on.

I'll be taking 20mg slow release at 11, and I'll boost that with another 10mg at midnight. Hopefully, that will allow for zero top-ups, and leave enough morphine in my system to be able to move in the morning, but little enough to mean I'm safe to drive.

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