Emotions

Despite all the pain, I think I probably looked like I was coping too well, mentally, today at the doc's, and when I got back I was really worried it would count against me.

He'd started asking about my mood, how much time I spend thinking about my dad etc etc. I've been so focused on the pain, I haven't been able to think about anything else. I talked about my breakdown at the shrink's, and the fact that my emotions then seemed to just shut down till I spoke to him on Monday. I told him about the crying fits and the book, plus the therapy I've had for all this in the past.

When I got home, though, I was wishing that I'd been more emphatic about my need for additional support, (like I was on the phone on Monday). But I've felt so overwhelmed, wiped out and numb by the pain of the past few days, that he took me by surprise.

It probably means I won't get any additional support, though to be honest, I no longer really want it. I've had enough therapy and talking and analysing. I don't want any more - I quit.

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