As I half-expected, as soon as I started talking about it, the feelings came flooding back; I was in tears within minutes. Under the circumstances, it was a good thing, because it gave him more imperative to do something, hearing me like that. He said he'd talk to the shrink and make sure she knows I have a genuine need.
Unfortunately, all this made the pain worse. It's been extra bad for the past 3-4 days; today it was even worse, but the morphine couldn't touch it. I was popping pills - long and short release - like Smarties, to no avail, and in desperation I was about to try a joint (I didn't because I wasn't sure if it would react badly with the Lofepramine I'd just taken. And there's the fact that I only have a tiny bit, and no access to more [it being many months since my inital foray into this alien world.]).
This evening, the pain is still too much for the meds to cope with, and I feel very very low. I wish I could just have a fit of hysterics, and get it overwith.
I have no idea how I'm going to get through tonight, either pain- or emotion-wise. The only thing I can think of is to just neck a whole load of pills and hope it knocks me over.
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