Monday, 8 August 2011

Hideous day

Christ, what a horrible, horrible day.

The boatload of pills I took after lunch did finally kick in, but it took a couple of hours. Before that, all I could do was lie there and try to keep breathing. A friend was coming to see me, and for most of her visit I was just lying in bed, eyes shut listening to her chat.

After a couple of hours, the pain went down enough that I could open my eyes and talk, but I couldn't sit up and I didn't even try to stand. Just two and a half hours after the last slow release dose, the pain was building again. I figured there was every chance of needing another six top-ups if I went down that route, so I took another double dose of slow release instead.

That was a couple of hours ago; I still feel completely stoned and cross-eyed, but already the pain is breaking through. I've taken twice as much morphine today as the basic level (the most ever). I really hope I don't have to take any more. I think it would just knock me out if I did. There's so much in my system now and it's still not actually stopping the pain - the next step would just be unconsciousness (which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, to be honest).

The pain's been so bad all day though, that I haven't eaten a thing. I couldn't physically get to the kitchen before my friend arrived, and even once she was here, I jhad no appetite. So I'm going to try and eat something now, before the pain gets even worse.

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